How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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