are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
