So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Randomize
