he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
