I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
