i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
