Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
