I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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