Sponge bath it is.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
