Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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