I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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