This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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