yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My penis needs a shock collar
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Randomize
