Don't make out with my wife yet
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
