sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
My pussy is not your playground.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
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