There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
