it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
