My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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