my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Houston, we have a blender
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
i out mim tonsoeep
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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