She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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