You made me cry and you don't even care
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
