You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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