Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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