Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
