Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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