Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
