does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
