she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
