the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
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