1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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