Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
