i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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