I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
