I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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