too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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