the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
