why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
