i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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