Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
