What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
