So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
