I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
