i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
