making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I have feelings that need drinking.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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