im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
