..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
