fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
