I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
