I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
