Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
